It's A Fight That Neither Of Us Will Win
by LetMeWalkTheEarthWithYou
Summary: Season 6/ Warning:ANGST (I guess)/ -"I quit," Teresa tells her with a smile, before she slams the car door and walks in the opposite direction. She has no idea where she is, no idea where she's going. But for the first time in months she's the one in control. It was time to start over.-/ Lisbon


**Disclamer: I own nothing, everything belongs to their rightful owners.**

**Warning: I wrote it, so it's apparently dark and angsty and random. But no one dies and in the end there's even hope. And yes, for the ending I ****borrowed the lovely, screwed up Gallagher family from the US version of Shameless. **

**********AN: ********Again thank you to everyone who takes the time to read/review/fav. one of my stories. I'm really grateful for that. And a special thank you goes once again to the amazing clairebare for beta reading!**

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**It's A Fight That Neither Of Us Will Win**

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It's a case like any other. They find out who the bad guy is, find out where he hides and come heavily armed to take him down.

Teresa isn't sure how it happens, but in the end she finds herself face to face with him. Alone at the other end of the warehouse. Her gun aimed at his chest.

And she knows she should tell him to put his gun down, but she doesn't. It's that familiar look she finds in his eyes that makes her hold back. That look she's already seen in those pictures on the metal board, back in the FBI headquarters. The despair in his clear blue eyes.

And she knows he never planed to come out of this alive.

It's a split second decision. She throws her gun down on the ground. Her eyes find his. Asking for a favor.

Just one bullet. It's all she needs. It has to be straight to her head. After all, she can't put the vest down, it would just give her away.

She watches him lift the gun, ready to pull the trigger. Ready to take her life. She closes her eyes. And then she's tackled to the floor. The bullet hits her arm instead of her head and gunfire starts.

Her sight gets blurry, pain rushing through her body. She blinks and when her sight is clear again, she spots Jane on top of her. Worry written all over his handsome face.

Teresa wants to scream and laugh and cry at the same time. Of course he had to show up just now.

Someone calls for EMT's, tells her to stay on the floor. But Teresa doesn't listen. She pushes Jane aside. Feeling better than ever. Her hand against the wound on her arm, she watches the blood seep through her fingers.

There's no need to look down on the ground before her, she knows what she'll find. That boy dead and gone. Teresa Lisbon still well and alive. What a mess.

She gets to her feet by herself, tells Jane to fuck off. She makes her way through the warehouse. Agent Fisher tells her to wait for the EMT's, but Teresa ignores her. She keeps walking, straight out into the bright Texas sun. Staring up into the sky. Wishing for cold. For ice and snow.

This doesn't feel right. What the hell is she doing here?

That's when her knees decide to give in. It's Cho who catches her. She's up in his arms bridal style. And she wonders what's wrong with her, because there's just a bullet in her arm. It's not that bad. She surely won't die or bleed to death. There's no reason to pass out.

Cho yells for help and starts to run and Teresa starts to feel sick. She wants to tell him to stop, but vomits on his suit instead. He doesn't seem to mind and she realizes that something must be wrong.

She's down on a stretcher and she feels something warm and wet streaming down her neck. Is it blood? Is it hers? Her sight gets blurry again.

And then she drowns.

Bloody red waves crashing down on her.

.

Turns out a second bullet scratched her when the FBI tried to take the guy down. Of course she doesn't die.

There's some questioning and she tells them she doesn't remember. They don't ask a second time, either because they're dumb enough to believe her or no one wants to hear the truth in the first place.

Teresa doesn't care either way.

A few weeks later she's back at work like nothing ever happened. It's what she does best.

She starts dating that guy from the second floor, but it turns out he's too boring. And she's far too annoyed with Jane being jealous. Because he is and it's obvious, even though he denies it.

It makes her tired just thinking about it.

Teresa starts going out after work, taking strangers back to her hotel room. She throws them out before sunrise. Always wondering why she let them come with her in the first place.

It's not like she isn't capable of taking care of her needs herself, it's not like she wants company.

There are days she blames it on Jane, because it's the easiest thing to do. But it isn't his fault. And she can't blame him. It was her decision to come to Texas. She chose to work with him again. Chose to give up being the boss, being in charge.

Now she's the one being controlled instead of the one in control. She's not even the one driving the car anymore.

.

She isn't sure what makes her snap on the way to another crime scene out of town.

Maybe it's the nerve-wracking song on the radio. Maybe it's the fact that Jane isn't just sleeping on the backseat, but snoring too. Maybe it's the weird look Agent Fisher gives her.

It's been a year, Teresa realizes. A whole year since she started to work for the FBI.

A whole year and nothing has changed.

Teresa stares out of the windshield into the bright morning sun and suddenly she knows she can't do this anymore. This has to end and it has to end now.

"Pull over," she tells the woman behind the wheel.

"Excuse me?" Agent Fisher looks irritated. And there it is again, the weird look that makes her so angry.

"Pull over!" Teresa demands, this time louder.

"I can't stop here," Fisher tells her. "You're not going to be sick, are you?"

Teresa almost laughs.

"Just pull the damn car over!" This time she's yelling. Not caring about good manners anymore.

Agent Fisher, convinced or just scared, pulls over and Teresa is out on the side of the road in seconds. Her fingers trembling in anticipation while she takes out her badge and her gun and places both items on the seat.

"What are you doing?" Fisher asks and Teresa is glad that Jane is still fast asleep on the backseat of the car, glad she's all alone with this woman who sure as hell won't stop her.

"I quit," Teresa tells her with a smile, before she slams the car door and walks in the opposite direction.

She has no idea where she is, no idea where she's going. But for the first time in months she's the one in control.

_It was time to start over._

_._

Everything she owns fits in a suitcase. Her stuff still in a storage garage somewhere in Washington State.

She's on her way downstairs when she finally takes one of Jane's calls. She cuts him off before he has the chance to start begging.

"Let me go, Jane." She tells him. Her eyes closed. "Just let me go."

She ends the call and leaves her phone in the lobby on her way out of the hotel.

Two hours later she's on a plane back home. _Back to Chicago._

When she arrives, it's snowing. She stands in front of the airport building, looking up in the dark sky. Snowflakes melting in her hair and ice cold air burning her cheeks.

And Teresa is smiling.

_._

He shows up on her doorstep two months later. It's January. Chicago still burried under a thick blanket of snow and ice.

She has to laugh when she spots him, hopping from one foot to the other on her front porch. His clothes far to thin for Chicago. She lets him in like it's been just a day since they last saw each other. Makes him a cup of tea without asking. Sits down with him in her living room like nothing ever happened.

"So, that's were you grew up, huh?" he asks her, his trembling hands around the hot cup. His lips still blue.

"It's not the same house, but yes."

He nods. Looks out of the window and Teresa wonders what he wants.

"You really missed this weather?" he asks her all of a sudden and Teresa smiles.

"I did," she tells him. And it's true. She really missed the cold.

"You plan on staying."

It's not a question, Teresa knows. It's a statement.

"I'm sorry, Jane." And she is. For many things. She watches him shake his head, while he puts his tea cup on the table.

"No, Teresa. I'm sorry. It's my fault. It's not like I gave you much to stay for."

Teresa sighs. "That's not true, Jane. It's not your fault."

"Then whose is it?"

"No one's," she says softly. "I thought it was what I wanted, when I decided to work for the FBI with you. Do the same things I did before you had to leave the country, but one morning I realized I was wrong."

He looks lost. Broken. Like the shadow of the man she met in the CBI hallway a lifetime ago.

"What does that even mean?" he asks her. "After all we went through, I thought... I just hoped..."

She looks down at her hands. Not sure what to tell him. "Things change," she whispers. "And so did we."

"It could have worked."

"No, Jane. It didn't work and it would never have. I could have waited another ten years. In the end the result would have been the same. Maybe even worse."

"Do you love me?"

It's a question she didn't expect him to ask. Not now. Not ever. It's a matter they never really touched.

But it's an easy question. And she has an answer. Right? She just has to say no and he will leave and never come back. And the answer is no, isn't it?

It's a knock on her backdoor that saves her.

"Do you expect someone?" Jane asks her and gets up. Teresa's already through the kitchen and at the door. A smile on her face when she spots the boy she's been waiting for all morning.

"Hey Liam," she takes the little boy out of Fiona's arm.

"What's with that big SUV in front of your house, Reese? The last time there..." she stops mid-sentence when she spots Jane in the living room. A grin spreads over her face.

"That's that guy from Texas, isn't it?" she whispers and Teresa nods, while she helps Liam out of his jacket. "Be nice Fiona, he's not used to this neighborhood."

But Fiona is already on her way to the living room.

"You're here to take her back with you?" Fiona asks bluntly and Teresa has to suppress a laugh.

"I hoped I could convince her, yes."

"Good luck with that, I already tried to make her leave this shithole of a neighborhood, but she won't listen. I guess it's true what they say, sooner or later you always find your way back."

Fiona spins around and waves at her. "Thanks for taking Liam today, Reese. I'll pick him up before your shift starts."

"No need to hurry," Teresa tells the girl. "If you can't make it, I take him with me to the station and you can pick him up there."

"Thanks, Reese. Bye, Liam!" Fiona waves at the toddler, before she gives Jane one last look and heads out the front door.

"And that was...?" Jane asks with a confused look on his face, the moment the door shuts.

"Fiona," Teresa lifts Liam in her arms. "Her family lives next door."

"Isn't that girl a little too young to have a kid? And besides, did she smell like weed?"

"Too young? In this neighborhood?" Teresa laughs ignoring Jane's question about the weed. "But Liam isn't her son. He's the youngest of the five siblings she has to take care of."

"Oh," Jane looks surprised. Maybe even a little stunned. "Wow."

Teresa nods. "She reminds me a lot of myself, you know. Her father an even bigger mess than mine was."

"So that's why you help her out?"

Teresa shrugs "That's not the only reason. Just one of many."

She sits back down on the couch with Liam on her lap and hands him a toy car.

"Is that all you do?" Jane asks her. "Babysit?"

Teresa looks up. And even though she hates it, she has to admit she feels offended.

"I'm working for Chicago PD, Jane," she tells him. "I'm a detective. But I'm sure you already knew."

"No. Well, yes." She hears him sigh, before he sinks down beside her. "I just can't figure out why. And I really don't understand why you would get yourself a house in this neighborhood. You ran from here, didn't you?"

"I did, Jane," she whispers. "And look where it got me."

He becomes quiet again and Teresa buries her face in Liam's hair. It smells like bubblegum shampoo and weed. Like her own childhood._ Like home._

"Where did you leave Agent Fisher?" Teresa asks Jane, when she can't take the silence any longer.

Jane shrugs. "Out in the car."

"God Jane! It's freezing out there."

"She'll survive. Even though she doesn't really deserve it. She should have woken me up, instead of letting you walk away."

He looks up at her and Teresa sees the hurt in his eyes. The pain and the disappointment.

"Nothing you could have done would have changed my mind, Jane."

He gives her a bitter laugh. "That's not true, Teresa. And you know it."

He's right. He could have stopped her. He would have. She would never have left. She would never have gotten away from him.

It's quiet for a long, long time. Both of them just looking at each other. Liam still playing with his toy car.

When Jane's phone starts to ring they both blink and look away. He takes the call and Teresa can hear Fisher's voice and she knows he has to leave before he tells her.

"I have to go," he says as he shoves his phone in his back pocket. And before Teresa knows what happens, his lips are on hers. Warm and soft, their first kiss sweet and innocent. He smells like sunlight and for a second Teresa is sure she can feel the warmth on her ice cold skin.

"I'll come back," he whispers in her ear when they part.

Then he's gone.

.

With Liam on her arm, Teresa steps to the window and watches Jane walk down the sidewalk. His hand on the fence to keep from slipping on the ice. He looks back and smiles at her.

She can still feel his lips on hers, as she watches the car disappear. His words echo in her head.

_"I'll come back."_

She isn't sure if it's a promise or a warning.

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**Disclamer: I own nothing, Everything belongs to their rightful owners.**


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